Martha Mary Phinkle was as wide as she was tall, and at 23 years of age appeared well into her thirties. Her mousy brown hair was beginning to gray at the temples, frown lines were evident at the corners of her eyes, and if she didn’t part her hair to the side the keen observer would notice the beginnings of female pattern baldness. But Munden saw none of this. All Munden saw were her bright, sparkling, green eyes staring at him over the last remaining bottle of Mylanta.
Green was Munden’s favorite color. It reminded him of many things he liked such as chlorophyll, lime Jello, and The Incredible Hulk. He liked all shades of green: olive, emerald, clover, Kelly, sage, hunter. Olive green reminded him of the appliances in his mother’s kitchen. Emerald was his favorite gemstone, although when he thought about it, he really just liked the stone for its color. Clovers were his favorite plants and sage was his favorite herb. In elementary school, his favorite science subject was photosynthesis because the teacher covered the room with photos of large green leaves. While other boys his age collected baseball cards and pictures of sports cars, Munden collected advertisements and photos featuring his favorite color. But despite his years of observation and appreciation of the color green, he had never seen the shade he now encountered in aisle 9 of the Piggly Wiggly.
Munden was confused. He wanted to talk to the woman, but he was also very uncomfortable for two reasons: one, he needed the Mylanta for his heartburn which was now searing through his lower esophagus and two, he was always nervous around women. When he was twelve, he had an unfortunate collision in the cafeteria with Patty Brown, the most attractive girl in school. Munden had just gotten his lunch tray and was staring lovingly at the shining, jiggling mound of bright green lime Jello when he collided head-on with Patty Brown. Needless to say, parts that were private were touched, Patty screamed, Munden turned bright red and dropped his tray, the whole school laughed, the Jello landed in Patty’s hair, and Munden never voluntarily spoke to a woman since. Now the only co-ed conversations he willingly took part in were with his mother and her bridge club friends.
Martha looked from the bottle, to Munden, then back to the bottle, then rested her eyes on the yellow-stained laminate flooring. With her eyes fixed on the upper corner of the square of flooring, she said, “Mmm, last bottle?”
“Yeah.” Munden shifted his weight.
“I, uh, well, I really needed this for my dog, Scratches. You see, he got into the trash, and well, it’s really been a disaster.”
Mylanta for a dog, this was a new one. Munden was not sure how to proceed, so he just nodded his head. He swallowed back some reflux. Martha saw this and hesitated.
“Well, I guess I could get the Pepto-bismal instead.” Martha said. There were several rows of the product on the shelf. Turning around, Martha grabbed a bottle. “Cherry flavored. Hmm, Scratches should like that!” And she smiled.
Muden turned beet red. Muttering thanks he grabbed the Maylox and was turning to leave when Martha spoke.
“My name’s Martha, by the way.” She extended her hand.
“M –M-M-Munden,” He gulped. “Ralph M-M-Munden.” He shook her hand awkwardly. Martha’s hand was small and sweaty. This didn’t bother Munden, as his was cold and clammy. It felt odd, but good, to have Martha’s hand secured in his. Munden swallowed some more reflux.
“Very nice to meet you Ralph, I hope to see you again soon.” And with that, Martha turned and walked to the cash register, clutching the Pepto-bismal in her left hand. Munden remained in the middle of aisle 9, staring stupidly after her.
